I’ve been doing an experiment where if I feel the urge to say something, I do. And with as much honesty as possible.
I began this experiment in an attempt to correct bad communication habits. Previously, I’d agonize over my words. I was afraid of anything I said not being accepted. It would be difficult for me to say things that would be displeasing to others, which lead me to stay in situations without expressing my true feelings for far too long. And I hated how I’d be fakely nice in situations when I felt uncomfortable.
Things I’ve liked about this experiment:
- Getting to say “I don’t know” instead of pretending I know something. It was embarrassing at first, but now I get to learn.
- More real conversations. I talked to an ex about everything I liked about our time together, why I thought it ended. Everything that had been waiting at the tip of my tongue finally made it to his ears. Somehow those unsaid words had been walls between us.
- Weird spontaneous conversations. I’ll think of something weird and just blurt it out. The other person sometimes will riff on it. It feels alive and special.
- Being more creative. I’ll think of something and just do it. It doesn’t matter if I should or shouldn’t create it, I just want to keep following the urge to express.
- Feeling like I’m just a blip of awareness reacting to external events. I go interact with the world and just react “yes/no/here’s what I have to say.” And I get feedback from the world and get to update my perspectives based on that. It’s a cool feedback loop.
This experiment has been really good to strip away bad habits. I’ll keep it as my default communication style.
Refinement I’m playing with:
- Filter so I’m not just creating a bunch of noise for other people to deal with.
- Filter what is ok to quickly respond to from what I need to spend more time thinking through.
What do you think? Any suggestions?